dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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