That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
