rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When are your genitals available?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
