i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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