I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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