its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
People in love make me want to vomit
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
