I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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