If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
