Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
