that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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