I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
then he tried to convert me to islam
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
