I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
