What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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