you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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