You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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