This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
