she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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