Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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