pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
