Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
