Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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