So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
