Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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