How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
