chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
