I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
