In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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