I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
