PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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