I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
