I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
