I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
