My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
