just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
