Buhtt sex?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
