it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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