Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
