You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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