Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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