I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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