alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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