toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
