I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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