they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
