that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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