How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
