He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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