Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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