So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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