I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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