Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
