He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize