i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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