That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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