It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
