She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
