the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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