my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
