we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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