if you like me you must not know who I am
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
