i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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